Tuesday, June 30, 2009

PE representing in the UK! Part 2 and maybe France too!

Okay, I told you yesterday, that I had to help my human read the map of Warwick castle to find where the best places to go were.  Well, here we are about 20 minutes later and I'm still holding this huge map up and explaining to her where to go...apparently she must be a little "special."

Up here was some stupid tower she wanted to go to...whatever...I showed her the direction by pointing to it.  She couldn't understand whether it was left or right.  I miss B she knows stuff!
She's smart, unlike my human obviously!

Before, I met my pocket B, I spent a lot of time alone in my room, daydreaming.

duh! I don't do regular dreaming cause I don't sleep.  

When I daydreamed, I read and wrote poems similar to Mr. Billy Shakes (aka William Shakespeare).  
The sonnets used to depress me, but no more, now I get them, completely! 
Anyways, my human and I went to Stratford-upon-Avon, where Billy was born! 

It was totally stupid, but I needed a souvenir so I got this post-card for B. 

I never knew postcards were so big...I think I have underestimated my wee size once again!.

See I have like 2 medical degrees, and once upon a time me and my pocket fam...pocket Emmett, pocket Rose (ugh!), pocket Alice, pocket Jasper, pocket Carlisle, and pocket Esme, we once lived in England and I matriculated the hell out of some Oxford University.  

We had to wear these ugly robes and everything, Hogwarts robes they weren't! 

Anyways, I went to Oxford and I got a degree in Philosophy and stuff! So when, my human went to see it on her trip, I insisted (bit her till she gave in) that she buy me a shirt from there. She told me there was not one that was small enough for me, I said I didn't care, I would make it work!  


So, she helped me try on the shirt!   See below!

Help! Help! 
The shirt is suffocating me! 
Get it off! NOW! 
My pocket vampire screams were almost drowned out by my human's laughing....SHUT UP! HELP ME! It's dark in here!

Monday, June 29, 2009

PE representing in the UK!

Pocket Edward here hey ya'll!  

Ha! I use my southern twang cause my human is from "the South" whatever that means...it's sunny as hell there....sucks can't come out of my pocket..erm...purse...that's so girly....that often...but guess what! My human let me out in Europe when she went!  

Here's what happened!

PE really tore up Europe (when my human let me out!)

K I didn't really get out for 3 whole days...my human was embarrassed by me. What is there to be embarrassed about? Needless to say I was playing with the remote control.  A LOT! I bit my human any time she got near it!  I WAS SOOOOO BORED! Btw...British hotel TV SUCKS!
Columbo??? Srsly?? That show is almost as old as me! DUDE!

K, I have little vampire eyes, but I noticed my human took this case with her whenever she went out.  I wanted out! I got in the case! But for once there was something too small for me...I got caught and my human took this picture of me.  I'm so ashamed! More than anything, I'm mad! I never get caught! I'm a pocket vampire dammit!

I brooded and my human took pity on me.  She took me with her on a bus trip.  This is me staring out the window!  When are we gonna get somewhere I got sick of riding in this bus inside her purse.  This window was huge and since I don't have very good balance, my human helped me stand in the window sill.  So..um...yeah...we were going really freakin' fast and I'm a fast dude.....Dude!

K, so I've been around a while, but I don't know everything...I don't know who's castle is who's in England it could be anyone right?  Well, when we FINALLY, got to wherever this is, Warwick Castle or whatever.  I was announcing to the world from the top of this handy dandy sign PE is here! RESPECT! No, because I am made of Plastic as much as I would like I don't sparkle in the sun so I was safe from the Volturi FOR NOW! Plus the Volturri hate the English people, so I not bes worried!  PE IN THE HOUSE or umm....CASTLE! 

This little dude wanted to fight, I was like dude I'm the PE and you are smaller than me! That's not easy to find these days, I mean I'm only seven inches tall...you bes short little dude...let's make peace not war!  He insisted so I pulled a Garfield and pushed his Odie butt right off the edge....umm...dude you're plastic, you have fallen and you can't get up! Trust me! I know from experience...unlike my human sized likeness...I'm clumsy! I fall all the time and I can't get up! I know what I am talkin about little dude.  TRUST THE PE!

Okay, like there were all these people that were the same size or bigger than my human, but didn't move and were made out of wax! What the effspice?  That is just creepy, humans creating fake likenesses in wax...ew...ew...ewww...okay I know I'm technically that way too but see I'm little it's not so creepy when you can fit in a pocket! It's groddy and lamespice! Ew! and did I mention EW!

My human's sense of direction...ummm...SUCKS! I helped her get around with this handy dandy map.  It was a big map! Ain't no thang, so I told my human where to go, but she went without me because....did I mention EW!!!! SEE ABOVE!!! Dude, I would rather face the Volturri than those groddy wax human sized fake people,  KThanxbye! Of course, I mean the POCKET VOLTURRI, not the human sized ones.  Of course, duh!